JokerX Harley Quinn oneshots
by Buggy13
Summary: A collection of short drabbles, longer stories and everything else inbetween
1. Chapter 1

Oneshot 1

Call me J

"Now, Mr. Joker. Your new doctor will be on her way, so be on your best behaviour."

The man sat before the inmate gulped, then continued.

"Her name is Doctor Harleen Quinzell and you may refer to her as Doctor Quinzell, nothing else and nothing more. She is one of the more higher ranked psychiatrists at Arkham and you will treat her with respect, she's going to find her way into that Labyrinth of a mind unpick all the tiny details that make y..."

The Joker wasn't really listening to the man rambling on, he was too focused on what his new Doctor would be like. A shrink, short and speaks with a lisp, dark brown hair cut in a bob, turtleneck sweater leaving almost everything to the imagination? Was that her? He wished not. How plain. How boring. How... Fun? Someone like that would definitely not be the fun type...

Joker was so deep in thought, he had absentmindedly started swaying in his chair, the locks of his straight jacket scraping against the flimsy plastic back, creating a awful racket. He want looking at him, but something in the distance, that obviously pleased him.

He smiled the smile- a smile that could, and has, killed. A smile that was both hideous and enchanting at the same time. Something that drew you in like a light did for a moth, just the moth suffered an easy and quick ending.

Dr. Arkham cleared his throat, clearly disturbed by the menacing actions of the clown.

As Arkham opened his mouth to speak, a shark knock at the door stopped him, and he turned around. Stood at the frame of the door was a young girl, only in her early Twenties, wearing a burgundy v-neck shirt, tight, tight black pencil skirt and the signature Arkham Asylum work jacket. On the bridge of her nose perched a pair of black glasses and her dirty blonde hair pulled back into a tight bun, only some hairs framing her face.

In short, she was beautiful. Well, the Joker definitely thought so. He didn't even realise he was staring at her, she was the complete opposite of his image he had etched in his brain.

Dr. Arkham coughed, snapping the Joker out of his dream, and beckoned the young girl over. Under her arm, she carried a dark grey file labeled 'THE JOKER' in clear capitals. This was her. The clown Prince's new doctor. And boy did he know it.

"Well Doctor one, since Doctor two has arrived I believe it is time for me," he nodded down to his chest. He couldn't exactly point, his hands were tied behind his back after all. "And lovely Doctor two here to have our first session," he ended his sentence with an inwards growl, obviously thinking about what she'd look like with something different on... Maybe underwear only? He didn't know yet.

The young girl stepped forwards into the office and nodded at .

"It's okay Dr. I can take over from here. We need to get started." She explained, ignoring the Joker's statement and smiled toward him politely.

Oh he'd have fun messing with this one.

Arkham nodded and stood up sharply. He wasn't very tall, maybe 5'7" , shorter than both of the other people present.

"Oh, well I'd best be going. There's a panic button under the chair if you need it, but you shouldn't." He shot a menacing glare at the clown, who merrily smiled back. "He's fully restrained. The only way he could harm you is with his feet." And ended the sentence with a chuckle.

"Don't encourage me!" Joker quipped back. Arkham gave him a glare and exited the room, shutting the door firmly.

Harleen took a seat, dropping her files on the desk.

She flipped open the laptop and entered her user, accessing all the patient portfolios in one click.

She scrolled down, it was A-Z, until she came to J.

Harleen clicked on "joker"

NAME: UNKNOWN

AGE: ESTIMATED TO BE 30-35 YEARS

PARENTS: UNKNOWN

SPOUSE: UNKNOWN

SIBLINGS: UNKNOWN

And the list continued. All aspects were listed as 'UKNOWN'.

There was only one specified otherwise.

KNOWN ENEMIES: THE BATMAN

Harleen let out a small 'hmph' and scribbled down a few words to start her notes. She glanced up at him. He had shifted himself so he was sat backwards on the chair, the back facing her, legs either side. She wasn't sure how he moved it so quietly. Now, Joker was staring at the ceiling, tapping his foot repeatedly against the concrete floor as if nothing had happened.

Harleen spoke finally, breaking the thick tension that had grown rapidly.

"My name is Doctor Harleen Quinzell, you are to refer to me as Doctor Quinzell. What, may I ask, shall I refer to you as?"

She spoke formally, as if she was in an extraordinarily important interview.

Joker mocked her, he sat up straight, pushed his shoulders back and pursed his lips, but he didn't speak.

Harleen tried a different approach.

"How about just Joker?" She questioned.

He shook his head, making her sigh.

This was going to be a lot harder than she imagined.

"Right. How about..."

she was cut off by his gravely voice.

"J. Call me J."

Harleen nodded. "J for Joker?" She asked him, somewhat satisfied he'd actually spoken to her.

He didn't answer. He just smiled.

Smiled the smile. The hideous and enchanting smile. Like a moth drawn to a light, Harleen smiled back.


	2. Chapter 2

**so this isn't particularly long, but I had fun writing it. I'm currently working on a Christmassy themed oneshot, but I'm lacking ideas. Your input would be great! ~ Buggy**

Oneshot 2

14 months

He'd been gone for 14 months. Without his queen.

Without seeing her.

It truly was torture. Worse than the Electroshock therapy they tried on him.

Worse than the grey mush they fed him day in, day out.

Worse than his new pysiciatrist.

 _What a stuck up little bitch._

But here he was, staring his Queen dead in the eye, not daring to look at the thing in her arms.

They didn't speak, just silently screaming at each other.

Harley finally spoke, her voice cracking as tears rose to her eyes.

"J..."

The Joker himself couldn't even tell if he was mad, relieved or disappointed. He had been gone for over a year, and he was home to find his girl had found a new man.

In the form of a 14 month old baby.

He finally came to terms that he wouldn't shout. He just prayed it was his child.

His thoughts were answered when Joker began to laugh at the ironic situation. Another voice joined his laughter but it definitely wasn't Harley's. Too short and high pitched.

The baby in Harley's arms, was undeniably his. Any other child would've screamed or cried at his menacing cackle, but this one, this one laughed along.

Harley spoke again.

"He knows your his daddy," she whispered hopefully, aware that he could snap both of their necks in an instance.

When he turned away, Joker realised the true extent of the situation. Harley had gone through everything- without anyone to help her.

Morning sickness, 9 months of carrying a football sized lump on her stomach, going through an excruciating amount of pain,just to deliver his child.

And for once, he couldn't be more proud.

Joker turned around and engulphed both of his most valuable objects in his arms, burying his face into the crook of Harley's neck.

Before he could comprehend what was happening, a chocked sob left his mouth. No tears, just silently suffocating.

The baby was watching curiously, and did something J definitely wasn't expecting.

"M-mama," the baby gurgled and pointed a chubby finger and Harley. Both of their heads shot up at the word, but the baby wasn't finished. He moved his tiny hand to Jokers face and whispered something while he examined his features as Joker scrunched up his face.

"Dadda,"

For the first time ever, the Joker cried.

The clown couple lay in bed the same night just talking.

Harley had to explain that she found out she was pregnant only a day after his arrest and that Ivy had visited her regularly, to give her medication to ease her morning sickness.

For once in his life, the Joker was grateful that the weed had come into his house.

"She fount me a doctor that did home visits, she thought it'd be better than visiting the hospital, giving he's your baby and all."

Joker couldn't help but smile like an idiot when he heard that.

'Your baby'

'Your son'

'Your Heir'

It didn't feel real. To him, it felt like a hallucination from the drugs they fed him at Arkham. He was convinced he would wake up any second, on the cold hard ground of his cell.

Was it just a dream?

A harsh kiss on the lips denied his thoughts.

Harley had rolled herself on top of him, and connected their lips, breaking his thoughts.

There was no way this could be a dream.

He couldn't dream her and he would never have dreamt he had a son.

Joker grabbed her hips and pulled her as close as physically possible, his mouth invading hers. They were so desperate to make up for lost time, Joker didn't even have time to think before she was stripping him of his shirt and trousers fiercely.

He sighed in content when he felt her skilled finger work around the hemline of his boxers.

She looped her fingers over it and tugged the item down and his aching shaft sprang free.

Harley kissed it lightly, before moving her face away and crawling up to sit on his stomach, earning a grunt of annoyance from him. He needed her, now.

And she needed him, now.

Something told them it was going to be a long, rough night.

Joker collapsed on his girl, completely whacked.

They didn't know what round they were on, all they knew was that it was 2 am and they were utterly knackered from the 'exersise' they just participated in.

It was a good three minutes before Harley spoke up, yawning mid sentence.

"What should we name him?"

Her question make him stop and think deeply.

He'd honestly thought she would've named him, but she hadn't.

Joker rolled off her body and pulled her close.

"Well, I've never thought about it until now. Got any suggestions?"

Harley merely shrugged.

"I thought of a few. They're a bit... What's the word... prodigious. Yeah that's it."

Joker chuckled and shrugged. He was the Joker after all, no child of his would have a normal name!

"Come on, hit me. They can't be that bad."

"Okay. So I've got, Jester, J.J short for Joker Junior, um, Lucius, Lucifer, Lucile, Jack, Cassius and a few more," she commented.

She was right. They were prodigious. Apart from Jack. He didn't know where that came from.

Joker was in deep thought.

"I like Lucile."

He finally spoke and turned to face her, a big dorky grin etched on his face.

Harley nodded, silencing agreeing.

"Lucile it is."

And as if on cue, baby Lucile let out an ear-drum bursting wail.


	3. Chapter 3

Oneshot 3

So this ones a little different, it's a different take on how most people think J would react if his Harley got pregnant (unplanned).

Warning for violence and language.

Harley didn't think she'd ever been this terrified in her life.

4 years of living with a certified Psycho who abused her physically and mentally, you'd think she would've gotten over being scared of him.

But it was a small object that struck the fear back into her heart. The small object in the shape of a plastic stick.

23 small objects to be precise.

The tests littered the bathroom floor, the sink, the bath, just about everywhere imaginable.

All positive.

In the middle of the mass of tests, crouched over was Harley, a sobbing mess.

She couldn't fathom what had just happened. He made it extremely clear he did not want children, and yet here she was.

 _You Idiot!_

A voice screamed. Another one joined in.

 _You're a fucking imbecile, you weren't careful enough!_

And another.

 _He's gonna kill you both._

The last voice sneered.

Harley eyes shot open.

"Shut up! Shutupshutupshutup!" She screamed out loud, her fingers entwined in her blonde locks, twisting and pulling.

They shut up.

Just as he burst into the bathroom, panic spread on his face.

All the panic dissolved into a puddle of mush and reformed as something different when he saw her on the floor sobbing.

Joker stalked over to her, kicking the pregnancy tests out of his way, trending on one which crushed it under the weight of his bare foot.

He was visibly fuming.

He was fucking terrifying.

He was going to kill her.

Harley yelped out loud as he grabbed her by the hair and dragged her into their bedroom.

Tears sprung to her eyes immediately as she felt the hairs being yanked out by his vice grip.

She had never seen him this angry.

"How dare you. How fucking date you do this to me!" He screamed at her crumpled body on the ground.

She opened her mouth to respond, but all she got a was a firm kick to the stomach,then another harder kick.

All the words that formed in her mouth were replaced by screaming.

He grabbed her hair again and pulled her limp body up to his level. He punched her, sending her sprawling onto the floor.

Harley didn't scream again, she groaned.

He kicked her again, in her thigh this time.

Another solid kick to her rib cage made a crack echo through the room.

Harley coughed voilently, she couldn't lift her head to look at him, so she tried speaking.

"Please," a cough.

"Please don't do this... You'll kill it," she wheezed out, her tears soaking the ground on which her head lay.

Joker laughed his laugh, a long, drawn out chuckle.

A laugh of true insanity. He bent down to her level and stroked her cheek.

Harley flinched.

"That's the whole point doll." He smiled and her and she cried out when his elbow connected with her hip bone.

Harley had accepted it. She was going to die here and right now, by the hands of her lover.

All because she wasn't careful enough.

The room turned eerily silent.

Her laboured breathes started again as her face contorted in pain. A warm puddle of liquid formed in between her legs and she couldn't move to stop the blood flow.

The Joker dropped the smile off his face.

He had killed the baby.

The thing they had made that was just starting to grow had come to a devastating end at its own fathers hands.

He threw his hands up in frustration.

But he stopped.

He was going to kill it anyway. So why the stress?

The reality of the situation hit him like a ton of bricks.

He had just killed something, and for the first time in his life, he felt guilt.

Joker growled and Harley prepared herself for another strike, but nothing came.

She still sobbed, even when he knelt down to her level and scooped her up, her blood smearing across his bare chest and Arkham sweatpants.

His mood changed quicker than the Flash and he was soon cooing her.

"Shhh, don't cry. Daddy's got you,"

He placed her on their bed and noticed she was out cold.

His eyes swept over her limp body.

Oh how he wanted to apologise. He wanted to hold her close, to tell her how sorry he was.

He knew he couldn't.

He was the Joker for fucks sake!

He was not a pussy.

A moment of silence spread throughout the room. The voices halted.

 _That thing you just killed. That was your child. The heir of Gotham City. The Prince or Princess of this world. And you, you failure. You killed it._

And they were back.

 _She'll leave you_

 _She won't forgive you._

 _You'll be so lucky if she even says a word when she wakes_!

They screamed at him and he groaned, grabbing the spare revolver from his bedside table. He span the barrel then placed it to his head, making his hair

"What's the difference between life and death?"

He sneered at her unconscious body.

He took one last look at her.

Joker pulled the trigger.

Silence.

Silence.

Death? Nope.

He was still there on the bed with the gun pressed to his temple.

Part of him wanted to shoot again, but he knew otherwise.

Spinning the barrel once more, he aimed it at her stomach, legs either side of hers.

"What's the point in life?" He questioned. He wasn't expecting an answer. He never did.

One last breathe. His eyes scanned her body.

Beautiful. A work of art, made by him.

Bang.

A scream ripped from her throat. It didn't occur to him that she might have actually survived that ordeal.

But now she was gone, and for the second time, The Joker regretted pulling the trigger.


	4. Chapter 35 (C3 cont)

Oneshot 3

He couldn't remember the last time he held her close.

He couldn't remember the last time he made love to her.

He couldn't remember the last time he looked into her eyes and saw love.

Did she still love him?

He didn't even know anymore.

She wasn't her usual, bubbly self.

She was unhappy, depressed you might call it.

Harley spent her days curled up on the bed, talking to herself. Sometimes not even talking at all.

She didn't want to look at him.

He killed it.

He killed their child.

Their creation.

And he killed it.

Harley sobbed.

The voices screamed.

Harley screamed.

The voices sobbed.

Joker swung open the bedroom door and staggered in, a bottle of whiskey in his pale hand.

He paused, then dropped the bottle to the ground.

It shattered.

On the bed was her lifeless body.

When he had shot her, the bullet narrowly missed her pelvis and skimmed the skin. She had survived.

But now, she lay limp, one hand on the pillow above her, the other rested on her deflated stomach.

Jokers heart dropped and he raced to her. Not hesitating to start pumping, he placed two hands on her chest, one on top of the other and pressed down continuously.

One

Two

Three

Four.

Nothing.

Again.

One

Two

Three

Four.

Nothing.

Joker slammed his hands down on the bed but he wasn't going to give up just yet.

Another 5 minutes and she was still unresponsive.

Jokers breathing rate increased.

She couldn't be gone.

Joker connected his mouth to hers in one final attempt to revive her.

One

Two

Three breaths

And she was back, choking on air, her lungs demanding to be fed.

Joker realised he was holding his own breathe.

His Harlequin turned to him and for the first time in a week, she spoke to him.

"Thank you,"

He didn't realise she was going to thank him. He was expecting shouting, screaming, begging for him to kill her there and then. But there was none.

She spoke again but slower.

"I-I still l-love you-u J. Not-thing can change t-that,"

Her breathing was still laboured so he sat her up slowly, reminding himself not to touch her stomach.

Seeing her like this, speaking words so pure, made his throat tighten.

Joker turned away.

"It's okay. You don't have to love me." She muttered before turning on her side and closing her eyes, wishing for sleep, not death.

The joker clambered into bed beside her, his chest pressed against her small back. She didn't flinch nor move.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, his fingers tiptoeing their way to hers and entwining themselves together.

Joker sighed.

"I'm sorry,"

He had never spoken such words to her before, due to the situation he felt obliged to.

"You don't have to lie, J."

"I'm not. I am sorry."

He really was. He meant the apology but she wouldn't know. She was too used to him making up excuses, blaming everything on her. He was never sorry.

"There are so many lies you keep feeding me. Some you haven't even told me yet." Harley whispered, hating the feeling of his hips so close to her rear.

Joker gulped.

He hesitated before saying his next words. He don't want to regret them.

He spoke again.

"I love you."

The Joker felt Harley tense against him, part of her wanted to believe him but part knew he was talking Bull.

She turned her head to face him and he noticed the tears slowly descending down her face.

"See. So many lies,"

Jokers breath caught in his throat and he stopped breathing for a minute.

The moment he decided to declare his everlasting love to her, she denied him. It broke his heart.

Using all the power he had left in his body, he rolled over to his bedside table and swung it open, then grabbed a small box from inside.

He gulped.

"Harley look at me." He demanded and she turned again.

He sat up and she followed the best she could, hauling herself up, careful of her throbbing pelvis.

"Does this prove my love to you?"

He moved the black box into her eye line and lifted the lid. In it sat a ring, adorned with a large red ruby in the shape of a diamond. Around the gem sat 4 tiny emeralds.

It was in a word, beautiful.

"Harley. I love you. I didn't mean to, you know my anger gets the better of me sometimes. I took it too far this time. I'm sorry.

Daddy didn't mean to hurt you.

We can try again if you'd like that."

Harley's eyes shot from studying the ring, to his, focusing on them intently, looking for the lies that might hide behind them.

But he didn't even need to say it. She knew what he meant.

"You want to try for a baby?"

She questioned, her voice cracking halfway through.

Harley didn't know if she could trust him with a child after what he did to her.

He was too dangerous to be around children.

"If that makes you happy, yes. I don't mind," he answered and cocked his head in her direction.

It had only just occurred to him that his hands were violently shaking along with the box, making the ring rattle quietly.

Harley don't answer.

He tried again.

"Harley Quinn." Joker stated firmly to get her attention.

"Marry me."

It wasn't a question, but a statement.

He wanted her as his wife, his personal ball and chain. His Queen.

"What's a King without a Queen?"

The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. The unbearable silence lasted for at least two minutes straight before it was broken.

Joker pushed himself up off the bed, and went to exit the room.

If she wouldn't respond, there was really no point int asking again.

"Wait!" She called after him and he froze, then turned towards her.

"Yes?"

"I love you Joker. Very much. Do you really want to marry me?"

"Yes." He answered and looked to the ground, as if he was embarrassed.

Harley took this opportunity to let out a small tear. She smiled though.

"Then yes. Yes I will marry you Joker."

The Joker looked up at her quickly, and smiled kindly.

The voices questioned her and she smiled again to herself.

She was. She loved him.

"I love you Harley Quinn," the Joker whispered and padded over to their bed, kneeling beside it.

"But I need to do this properly,"

With all her remaining strength, she sat up and swung her legs off the end of the bed.

He took out the box and presented it to her once more.

"Will you be my Queen?"


	5. Chapter 4

Oneshot 4

The workout

 **sorry I haven't updated for long! It's been stressful but hopefully I can get some more oneshots out for you guys :) enjoy!**

 **/smut below/**

The gym was probably Jokers favourite place in their entire house- apart from his office of course.

A place to take all his anger out on whatever unfortunate punching bag was in his way.

Harley thought otherwise.

To her, the gym was a task to conquer every time she started training- a huge mountain to climb. Although she'd always had pretty good physical health, she'd never been very good at cardio, or keeping up a decent pace on the treadmill.

The Joker desperately wanted to change that.

"Come on! Faster!" He barked at his Harlequin, who was running as fast as her long, pale legs could carry her.

Harley was sweating buckets and panting like crazy, the back of her thighs were burning.

Without warning, the Joker leant over and pressed the 'increase speed' button and Harley was forced to sprint faster than she ever had before.

It was another long minute before she decided she'd had enough.

Harley punched a button on the control pad, hoping to turn it off.

Her legs were numb so she slowed her pace, hoping to regain the feeling in her limbs.

Unfortunately for her, she hadn't pressed stop.

Quicker than you could blink, she was flung off the machine and onto the mat in the centre of the gym.

The Joker was laughing his ass off at her.

Harley pushed her exhausted body over and she rolled onto her back, her chest heaving with heavy, laboured breaths.

Joker was still laughing his ass off at her.

Harley had her face in her hands as she tried desperately to regain her normal breathing rate as Joker slaughtered over to her, still in a fit of giggles.

He stood over the top of her, one leg either side of her waist, And extended his hand out for her to take.

She hastily slapped it away.

"Fuck. You" she growled in between deep breaths.

Jokers expression turned from joyous to annoyed. He stared at her.

"What did you just say?"

Seeing him towering over the top of her made something stir deep inside her. She bit her lip at the sight.

"I said, Fuck me,"

Joker let out a deep growl from his chest, and suddenly flopped to the floor, almost crushing Harley.

She cried out.

As she opened her mouth to let all the sour words loose, he connected their mouths and kissed her passionately.

Harley dissolved into a series of moans and whimpers, returning the kiss.

Joker broke the kiss.

"You want me to fuck you?"

He gave Harley a suggestive glance.

"Well I'll fuck you..."

Realising what she's just said could get her hurt more than the treadmill had done to her sent a delicious shiver down her spine.

She reached up and roughly grabbed the back of his hair and bought him down for a hard kiss.

Joker bit her bottom lip and pulled back, drawing blood almost immediately.

Before Harley could do it herself, he was ripping off his shirt and tossing it aside. She blushed at his flexing muscles, they were always a huge turn on for her.

Speaking of which, her pants were now soaked.

It wasn't even kissing now it was just pushing their mouths together , trying to create friction with the odd moan in between. She could tell he was getting bored with the lack of action as he was desperately trying to get them both fully undressed. Joker flicked his switchblade up and cut through the thick material of Harley's sports bra, cutting it in two.

A few more minutes of limbs tackling clothes off each other, and J was pressed up against her entrance, teasing her.

Harley let out a thick moan.

"Come on Daddy," she coaxed him, pushing her hips upwards and biting her lip.

Grabbing her wrists, Joker slammed them above her head, pushing into her only to then pull out, repeating the movement, but faster.

Harley's mouth formed a perfect 'O' shape as he started to pick up his pace, slamming into her back wall each time earning a thick moan.

They were so in sinc that everytime he ground his hips deeper into her, she would life her own up, moving them in a circle as he pounded into her.

A low growl left his throat and pulled his member out, rolled her over, grabbed her hair then slammed into her from the back.

Harley lurched forward and let out a gasp; she was truly speechless.

"F-fuck-fu-ckkk," she moaned, struggling to form words due to his harsh assault on her entrance.

They were both approaching their climaxes and fast, Joker could feel her tightening around his shaft. He pressed his chest up against her back, his arms on either side of her, shaking violently.

Without warning, he sunk his teeth into her pale flesh, breaking the skin almost immediately.

Her crimson blood was dribbling down his chin and dripping onto the gym mat below them.

"God Harley," he grunted when she tightened around him.

"J-joker, I'm gonna cum..."

It was less than a second after and she fully climaxed, her arms giving way beneath her and she collapsed under him, her womanhood contracting around him, making him groan.

"I got you," he pulled her up, balancing on one arm and holding her torso up with the other, his hips still snapping into hers, moments away from his end.

One final thrust and he was done for, he placed a kiss on the back of her neck, his lips lingering there while he emptied himself inside of her.

His arm left her waist and she collapsed once more, along with him still on top of her shaking form.

Joker rolled off of her small frame and lay next to her, his hair sticking to his forehead with sweat as he let out a tired sigh.

Harley couldn't move, let alone want to move.

The blood from her shoulder was starting to dry and her legs were throbbing, the pain from the treadmill mixing with the pain between her thighs.

She had no idea if she would be able to walk tomorrow.

Noticing her panting and trembling body, Joker shuffled close and slung one arm around her shoulder, careful not to aggravate the fresh bite mark lingering there.

"You know, we should work out together more," he commented, snickering at his own joke. However, Harley didn't fun it amusing.

"What the fuck?" He yelled and held his throbbing arm where she had punched it. It was a weak punch but, damn it hurt.

"Don't go there..." Harley gave him a threatening stare.

"Come on! 56, 57, 58... Come on you can get to 60 atleast!" Harley shrieked at him.

She was perched on his back, sat Indian style as he performed as many push-ups as he could. Jokers bare back muscles tensed underneath her and he groaned.

"I'm trying! Do you know how much you weigh?" He yelled back, his thick arms starting to shake.

Harley stopped and thought deeply.

"Uhhh... Yeah. I weigh 9 stone. Problem?" She quizzed back and he rolled his eyes.

"Come on! Two more! " she cried back at him, crossing her arms over her chest like a child.

Joker rolled his eyes and pushed up slowly, then down.

Harley shuffled on his back , her elbows digging into his shoulder blades painfully.

She raised one leg over one side and the other over the other, straddling his back like a jock would a horse.

"Come on..." She whispered in an almost seductive manner, tiptoeing her fingers up his back towards the base of his neck.

Joker almost collapsed from weak arms when he felt her warm tongue lick from the base to right under his ear, nibbling on it.

"One more... Come on daddy, you can do it..." She whispered.

The tightening in his pants suggested that she was definitely not going to be able to walk these next few days...


	6. Chapter 5

**okay so this isn't the longest thing ever, it's more of an experiment. Tell me if you like it!**

Oneshot 5

18th April 2016

Harley's making me write a fucking diary.

It was an early 'birthday present'. What kind of present is a bloody diary!

I initially refused, we argued, she pulled her infamous pout, I shouted at her and five minutes later she's at my door frame wearing nothing but a smile.

That woman will be the death of me due to what she does to my body, I swear. Not that I'm complaining. It would be a pleasant death.

I can just see it now:

'Rip Joker

1982- 2016

Cause of death: lethal blowjob'

Any who,

I'm not gonna be writing in here everyday, she'll think I've gone soft.

Which I haven't.

Obviously.

19th April

I swear she's making me write in this thing everyday.

If I kill her now I can get rid of her body in the next 20 minutes. No one will ever know she's gone.

I mean, I would though. We've been together for just over a year and I'm honestly surprised I haven't killed her yet. Yet.

I got the talk today. Not the one you're thinking about, hell if she was giving me that talk I'd be confused why. I fuck her every night, you'd think she would know.

Any who.

The talk about 'our relationship' and 'what's going to happen in the future.' She even had the guts to spring the 'we should think about kids!' Talk on me.

I turned her down, but in all honesty I regret it. The truth is, I do want a kid, I'm just aware that I'd probably end up killing it, or be a horrific dad at least.

1st May

Okay she's going to kill me I haven't wrote anything for ages but screw her and her diary.

I'm literally only doing this so I can keep her happy, she's currently watching me from across the room as I'm writing. She probably thinks in actually writing down emotions and shit. Jokes on you Blondie, I don't do emotions.

5th May

Harley is the love of my life and I love her so very much she will be the mother of my children and I will marry her when I get her the most expensive ring ever made! I love her so much.

6th May

I'm going to kill her

She read my diary

And wrote in it

Fuck

I have no intentions of marrying her and the kid thing? Pffft.

Who does she think she is?

20th May

I wander if Bman is tinkin of me righ now

Two mach alchol and I feel a slight bit boozy heh

Sa the day starts good I fucked her harsh and she almost passed out it was good

I took her to the clab she wunted to dence for daddie and then we dnaced and drink alchol now I drunk

Harlie is alsleep on me lap an I got a hard on... She is two pwetty.

21st May

God fucking dammit

I'm such a mess

My last diary entry was, in a word,

Whattheactualfuckjoker

Remind me never to get drunk and make me write in a diary.

4th June

Okay so I know I said that I wasn't going to write emotions and shit in here but honestly I've fount it a good way of dealing with stress. Harley seems to think so too, so I'm gonna take my anger out in here, not on her. So let's get started.

WHO THE ACTUAL FUCK DOES NYGMA THINK HE IS? WALTZING INTO MY FUCKING CLUB LIKE HE OWNS THE PLACE (I own it, for the record) AND EYEING UP MY GIRL.

MY GIRL MY HARLEY I MADE HER GO SUCK YOUR OWN DICK ED

I CANT GIVE TWO FLYING FUCKS IF YOU THINK SHES PRETTY YOU DONT NEED TO TELL ME I ALREADY KNOW THAT DUH

I HATE YOU SO MUCH YOU OVERGROWN TOENAIL YOU MADE ME MAD AND I HURT HARLEY I SAID I WASNT GOING TO DO THAT ANYMORE AND she's at my door wearing nothing brb gonna get LaiD~

17th June

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

ONE YEAR OLDER AND IM STILL PRETTIER THAN HARLEY

and I'm drunk again


	7. Chapter 6

**hey guys, Buggy here! So so so sorry for late update, school has been killing me. But I'm here and I'm back with another chapter. Beware, it's extremely smutty ;)**

Ace Chemicals

•••••

R

•••••

A thick silence hangs over us and she coughs to break it.

The stench of chemicals fill my nose making me chuckle- it's the same smell that I encountered on the night I became me. It sends a delicious shudder down my spine.

My creator is waiting for its next creation and she's standing right in front of me, tapping her toe on the ground.

"Do you want this?"

I gulp and clench my jaw.

What if she doesn't want me? What if she's playing a prank. I'll kill her for making me go through this. I have battled with myself for a ditzy dame.

A beat.

"Yes." She states boldly and her face shows courage, determination. Stubborn pain in the ass.

I want her to run away, screaming bloody murder. But she doesn't and it's, in a way, relieving.

I'm talking again, but I don't know if I'm making any sense. I just want her to be done with. Before I know it, she's stepping back from me and facing the acid, examining it like it's suddenly going to change form.

Harley turns to me, with a look I can't quite understand then let's herself fall, her arms spread out to her side as if she's going to float away, soaring with wings.

I expect a scream, a delicious, spine tingling shriek to accompany her, but there is nothing.

For a moment I think she's hit the floor- I think she's missed the vat completely, face planting into the concrete, but the thought vanishes when I hear a loud splash, the acid spilling over the sides.

Finished! Done! She's gone and for once in my life I care.

What if she doesn't survive? Who cares? One less problem.

Admit it Joker. You love the girl. She strutted into your therapy room in Arkham and walked straight into your heart. I growl, realising the voices are right. The girls left an imprint on me that I can't scrub off.

In a split second I've turned, stalking towards the bath of un identified chemicals. I throw my jacket off: if I come out alive at least I'll have something decent to wear.

Another second and my feet have let the ground, I'm falling and fast to meet my creator.

The liquid encases me again and I feel a familiar burning feeling, but all I can focus on is her.

Harley.

Get her out!

My hands fumble around in the acid for a while, grasping for something for me to drag to the surface. When my fingers feel an object, I'm grabbing it and hauling it to the surface, not caring if she's alive or not.

When we resurface, I notice that our clothes are dissolving into swirls of colour around us, my shirt mingling with hers.

Drifting my eyes over to her lifeless body, I don't hesitate to kiss her. It's not a kiss as such, but more like a breath of life.

All it takes is one breath of air and she's gasping for more, her blue eyes tearing right through mine.

Her clothes have dissolved and it doesn't take long for me to realise that mine are too. I can't care though, because I'm soon leaning down to place a hard, meaningful kiss of those gorgeous lips of hers. Harley's hands reach up and grasps my hair- I gasp into the kiss in pleasure. Damn that was good.

Before I can further the actions, I'm pulling away from her and laughing, our chuckles synchronised, and from this moment forward, I know she's going to be mine. Forever.

•••••••••••••••

Harley unstuck her heavy eyelids, the first thing she noticed was she was in a car. A moment of panic hit her, and she sat up with such force, her seat notably jerked forward. "Easy, you break my car, I'll break you." A heavy voice spoke to her. "I don't like having to replace things, I really don't," Harley couldn't tell if he was walking about his car or her. The events that had just taken place flooded her mind and Harley sat in shock, trying to absorb the fact that she was his now. She turned to face him, desperately wanting to break the awkward silence that had expanded then opened her mouth to speak, but no words came. This was her life now. High speed car chases, run ins with the Bat, Nightclubs, alcohol and drugs. Was this the life she wanted? Harley didn't care. She wanted a life with the Joker, and now, whether she liked it or not, that's exactly what she had. •••••

• She's fallen asleep once more, her eyelids were drooping most of the way anyway. I resist the urge to slap her pretty little face when I pull up to the hotel I have acquired to wake her up. I go for a more gentle approach instead, opening my door and carrying her to the lobby - bridalstyle seems fine by me. When I reach the stair case, I feel a tiny pair of hands loop their way around the back of my neck, twisting the hair at the nape between her fingers which oddly delights me. It takes a while to realise I'm smiling at her and I set her down hastily, hoping she didn't see the dopey grin etched across my face seconds ago. "Oh, oh right, um hey, Joker." She stutters when I let her down, subconsciously covering her half naked body. The acid has created the work of art in front of me, but dissolved our clothes. I let out an annoyed growl, grabbing her wrist roughly. "Never, hide yourself from me, understand?" I spit at Harley, furrowing my eyebrows. For a minute I think she's gonna cry, but she bites the inside of her cheek and swallows the lump in her neck, stuttering out a brief, "yes sir,"

Satisfied with her answer, I storm upstairs to retrieve some clothes. Like a lost dog, she follows me. She needs testing. Phase one. "So Harley tell me..." I start, facing her.

"Have you ever been with a man before?" I ask and she knows I'm not referencing to how many men she's been with before.

Harley looks slightly taken aback by the sudden outburst, her knuckles turning white with force of her grip on the bannister. I nod, encouraging her answer. She nods slowly. "No sir," she states boldly but I know she's uncomfortable. I sneer at her discomfort and shake my head.

I cock my eyebrow again.

"Do you want to stay that way?" She knows I'm teasing her, a smile is tugging at her lips and she shakes her head, confident this time. She's soon stepping towards me, placing her hands on my chest. "Well... I'm with you now, right?"

A smile curls on my lips as I walk to her, the gap between us decreasing. "Well I can change that."

••••••••

Joker slammed her body against the wall, not a care for comfort. When his lips met her neck she let out a small noise, a mix of a purr and a whimper which tightened the space in his pants. Their clothes soon long forgotten, Joker was kissing his Harlequin deeply, mashing his lips against hers in a messy dance for dominance. Joker ground his crotch into her, making a line of expletives tumble out of her mouth in pleasure.

"Fuck, J!" She cried out as his lips connected with the base of her neck, sucking to create a deep red hickey.

Joker hooked his arms under her legs, pulling her off the ground in the blink of an eye, his inner elbow under her knee caps.

Joker lined himself up with her entrance, studying her face intently, watching for any discomfort.

Seeing him hesitate, Harley chuckled and kissed him on the cheek playfully.

"What're you waiting for Mistah J?" She giggled at his face, screwed up in concentration, focusing on the task in hand.

Just as he was about to push in, he paused.

This was the final initiation. She'd chased him down, killed a man over him, done what he'd said and thrown herself into the acid for her, he didn't want her to regret this.

"You want this?" Joker murmured, not taking his blue eyes off of hers.

He said it like when they were back at ACE Chemicals, a question full of purpose and fear. Fear that she would turn him down.

Harley pressed her tiny palms against his chest in an effort to tear his lips from her neck so she could speak.

"I want you..."

Without further hesitation, Joker connected their lips once more and kissed her, hard, pushing his length into her causing Harley to cry out.

As their lips danced, Joker started a steady but equally harsh pace inside of her, Harley's body shuffled against the wall as his thrusts made her whole body bounce.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Joker took this as an invitation to suck on hers, his teeth gnawing against the soft skin on her neck where a huge hickey was soon to blossom.

"Fuck Joker!" Harley whimpered out, her mouth hanging open in delight. She never had thought it would've felt this good.

Every night since she'd first lay eyes on the clown prince, she'd wanted him, and now, she had him.

When his shaft connected with her sweet spot, she let out a mewl of lust and her body started trembling under the intense pleasure.

There was a good 4 minutes of silence, where all they could hear was skin hitting against skin and light sighing coming from Harley.

It was truly amazing.

J felt her walls contract around him and the silence was broken with a high pitcher whimper that escaped her lips as her end neared.

Jokers main goal was right in front of him now, he was thrusting into her the hardest he thought he could, her loud moans mixing with his low grunts.

Not a minute later and they both reached their peak, Harley's body convulsed under his strong form and his thrust slagged.

Three more thrusts and they were both done for, lust consuming them.

Harley's visions turned white and she didn't make a noise as she came over him, mouthing his name as Joker emptied himself inside of her.

Letting his head rest on her shoulder as they took deep breaths, Joker slowly placed her down on the ground, only to have Harley collapse from weak legs underneath him.

Her grip on his neck had not faltered and he tumbled down with her, landing with a thud next to her naked form, cackling.

Harley joined in with his spontaneous laughter and embraced him in a hug as they chuckled together.


	8. Nerf war

Nerf war

••••

Filing her nails with a chipped and well worn nail file, Harley Quinn was sat crossed legged on the lush purple sofa, her newly painted toenails rested on a cushion.

The Tv blared in her peripheral vision, playing an almost decade old episode of 'Homes under the hammer', a young entrepreneur desperately wanting to find another property in the worlds smallest budget.

Harley snorted, she didn't need to pay for her house- or anything for that matter. Her Mister J had that covered.

Speaking of whom, the Joker was once again tucked away, confined to his beloved office, scribbling away plans and plots to make the city of Gotham laugh again.

He was always in there at the moment it seemed, he would only venture out to get food and coffee. And shower, of course.

As much as she hated to admit it, she didn't mind lack of attention on his half, he was too stressed to pay her a visit every other hour.

So for the third day on the trot, she was sat alone in the hideout, binge watching Tv shows.

Harley noticed that her programme had ended, the credits rolling down the screen and she sighed, another day spent pointlessly staring at the magic box with moving images. How boring.

As she picked up the remote to turn the tv off, a dark blue and orange plastic gun peeked around the corner of the oak door, a pale hand holding it in the air, a long finger placed against the trigger. Harley was completely oblivious to this, and casually switched the 50" Tv off, flopping back down on the sofa with a huff.

Joker aimed the navy weapon at Harley's head, his right eye squinted in concentration.

Without a warning, a blue foam dart shot out of the gun and struck the girl square in the back of her head, causing her to crease over, shielding her head in defence to avoid another shot.

"God what the fuck?" She cried out, sitting back up straight to face the intruder, but there was no one there.

Turning, she noticed the dart laying a few feet away on the floor, and it clicked.

Joker assumed she had no idea about his secret stash of various Nerf guns and ammo in a box at the back of the Narnia- like- wardrobe, but little did he know.

With a cry, Harley shot up and darted out of the room to follow the homicidal villain, her feet tapping against the floor.

Harley skidded to a halt when she almost collided violently with the door to his office, placing her hands on her knees to steady her fast breaths.

"Where is that bastard?" She wheezed, then noticed the post it note stuck to the door.

It read,

Suit up,

Game in 10

You can run but you can't hide...

J.

It was signed with and 'x', something he only did when he was feeling playful.

Harley's lips curved into a devious grin, and she turned to run to find the nerf gun she needed.

A few moments later, Harley the was fully equipped with two guns and 400 darts, she was ready and want going to back down.

Storming out of their shared room, the girl checked both ways, keeping a keen eye out for the clown.

"Oh Jayyy," she whispered in a singsong voice, listening out for any sign of where he could be.

It was silence until several pounding footsteps were heard underneath her- he was in the cinema room.

The cinema room was deserted, left to rot and crumble. There had to be a good 70 seats, the velvet all worn down and frayed, cobwebs adorning most of the seats.

As Harley made her way down there, a sick feeling arose in her stomach. The feeling of being watched- and she was right.

J was crouched low down behind one of the less worn down chairs, his nerf gun ready to shoot.

Harley cleared her throat.

"Come out come out wherever you are Puddin!" Harley called out into the musty air, her brave face plastered over her petrified expression.

As she set her foot down on the rotten oak floor to proceed in finding the Clown, a shot rang out , a sharp pain erupted in her right hip, sending her doubling over, her hand placed on the area of impact.

"Son of a bitch! No fair!" Harley screeched, scanning the room for a source of the dart.

Joker couldn't hold in his amusement any longer. Rising to his feet slowly, he tilted his head back, cackling at her anger. Harley wasted no time in turning toward the sound, firing her gun at the dark figure, hitting him in the stomach several times.

The clown let out a pained 'oof' and collapsed to the floor, his right hand gripping onto the torn velvet of the cinema seat nearest, low groans coming from him.

Harley's hand flew to her mouth as she gasped and ran over to where Joker was, immediately checking him over. Her eyes frantically scanned his pale skin, placing the back of her hand on his forehead, feeling his temperature.

A second later Harley was thrown to the ground, Joker pinning her arms down with his own, almost crushing them.

"Wha- J? What the?" She cried out again, struggling under his heavy weight, starting to kick her legs out in aim of hitting anything.

Her toe came in contact with his tense thigh and Harley stopped mid-kick, hoping she hadn't kicked the 'crown jewels'.

Joker let out a sharp hiss of pain, she had narrowly missed his crotch, but made a dent in his inner thigh. With pleading eyes, Harley prayed that he wouldn't be too mad and put on her best, cheesy grin for him.

"Sorry Pud, I didn't... didn't mean to kick you there," she stuttered, biting her lip, which split and the crimson liquid seeped out, making her wince and shut her eyes.

She thought he would yell at her for ruining the game, but as Harley unstuck her eyelids, she noticed he was gone.

Scrambling to her feet, Harley grabbed her nerf gun, lazily strewn out on the floor a few feet away. She had only one goal now: to find the clown.

Hauling herself up, Harley squinted to try and get her eyes to adjust to the musty atmosphere, the dust floating around in the air made her cough.

Another blue dart pierced through the air, narrowly missing the hair on her head by an inch or so, she gasped and looked up to see a dark figure stood up on the balcony seats of the theatre.

He obviously hadn't noticed that she could see him, he didn't move a muscle.

Crouching, Harley aimed her gun at the back of a folded chair, the metal on the underside was starting to rust.

Harley had never thought the target practice J had taught her a few years back would ever really pay off, until now.

Her index finger flinched against the trigger and pulled, the bullet shooting out at unknown speeds.

It ricocheted off of the metal underplate, bouncing back to fly toward the unsuspecting clown.

Little did Harley know, when she had pulled the trigger, so had he, their bullets piercing through the air together, almost synchronised. The blue foam hit Joker square in the neck, hitting his 'All in' banner on his card tattoos.

Meanwhile Jokers bullet hit Harley directly above her right eye, hitting the soft skin hard.

Both of the Clowns collapsed, holding the area of impact, Harley covering her eye and J covering his neck.

Jokers pain didn't last long, and he was soon back on his feet, laughing hysterically at the girl on the platform below him. Harley, however, didn't find it as funny.

"You Bastard! You could've blinded me!" She screeched at an ungodly pitch, not daring to look up at him.

Joker chuckled, obviously amused at her pathetic attempt of gaining sympathy, skipping his way down the stairs, making sure he took his sweet sweet time.

He was enjoying laughing at her. Until another blue dart shot him.

There.

Nobody shoots there.

Not even Harley.

In a flash he was after her, darting down the rest of the stairs faster than one of those cheap foam bullets.

Harley shrieked and took off, instinctively running toward their bedroom, pelting up the large staircase and slamming the door behind her. She collapsed against the doorframe and drew in a deep breathe.

Until pounding fists hit the door.

When the fists stopped, you could hear them both breathing raggedly, both muttering unknown curse words.

Joker straightened up, and stood tall.

"Oh little girl..." he cooed, tapping his index finger against the oak. Harley twisted around to face the door, suddenly wanting to unleash the raging man on the other side.

"If you open up now, your punishment won't be as bad..." he spoke softly, as she twisted the handle to let him inside.


	9. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! I'm super duper sorry about not updating in months, I've had terrible writers block :/ but I'm back with a new chapter which I've dedicated to the wonderful mabelmadness as I fount out its her birthday today! Happy birthday!**

 **(Ps do tell me if I've made any grammatical errors, I wanted to have this up by tonight so I haven't double checked it over) - Buggy**

Harley was shaking with delight, her hands practically trembling with excitement. This was the day she'd waited for ever since she met her lover.

Harley raked the blue hair brush through her platinum blonde hair, the dyed end merging together as she hummed a gentle tune.

A knock at the bedroom door broke her out of her trance and she stood up slowly.

"Who is it?" She called.

A voice Harley recognised as Poison Ivy's spoke back, her exotic accent clarified who it was.

"Can I come in? I heard you wanted a bit of a hand with your hair."

"Is he out there?" The blonde called back, Ivy knew exactly who she was talking about.

Without hesitating, Ivy replied. "No, he's getting ready next door. You know what he's like, he'll take forever and day to get ready if he could."

Harley chuckled and strode towards the door, twisting the nob to allow Ivy in.

Ivy's hands flew to her mouth when she saw her best friend adorning the wedding dress she had suggested.

It was a strapless simple dress which hugged Harley curves in the best of ways. The only difference was that Harley had seemed to have tipped pots of blue and red paint over the dress, the colours on their respective sides, mirroring her hair.

"So, what do you think?"

Ivy failed to find the right words the describe the dress, so instead she burst into tears.

"I can't... I can't believe this..." she stuttered, reaching out to stroke Harley's cheek, who leant into her touch.

"What's wrong Pam-a-lam?" She quizzed, capturing her bottom lip between her teeth. "Do I not look okay for today?"

Ivy, somewhat paralysed, just nodded, still not able to form proper words.

"It's okay, it's okay, breathe Pammy, breathe," Harley instructed, grasping her wrist and led her to the bed so she could take a seat.

Once Pam had fount the ability of speech again, she stuttered out exactly what she thought.

"You look stunning, phenomenal even. I'm thrilled you're so happy, Harls, I really am. But I would be happier if you had fount a man who actually loves you for who you are, and wasn't some alcoholic, psychotic freak. That's what would make me happy, but since you seem delighted, I've decided to sweep that to one side and grin and bare it for one day. "

Harley Quinn chuckled at her friend, her attempts of persuading her to leave the Joker had failed on many occasion, and she definitely wasn't going to change her mind now, especially when her wedding was just around the corner.

"I appreciate the concern Pam, I do but J loves me, he even told me so. Thank you for being patient with me though, I owe you one."

Ivy shook her head.

"I hope you realise how big this is."

"I do"

"Good. Let's start on the hair why don't we?"

•••••

R

I pace across the living room, my hair disheveled and my tie undone.

What have I gotten myself into?

A deep, deep ditch apparently.

The knock at the door surprises me and I almost yell out, but I refrain from doing so. My nerves are getting the better of me, I swear.

"Who is it?" I call out.

A gruff voice answers. Frost.

As he enters, I rush past him and peek my head out of the doorframe, scanning the hallway for any sight of the blonde bimbo I'm meant to marry. When the coast is clear, I hastily slam the door, creating a small gust of wind rush past me and it misplaced even more of my hair.

"Boss? What's the matter? Is there anything I can do?"

He's a help to me, Frost is, but he's damn right annoying.

"No." I answer, not looking into his eyes. Granted, my main henchman has seen me in worse conditions, but he's never seen me this nervous before.

Honestly I'm not sure why I'm so nervous.

"Is there anything I can get you? A glass of water or somethi-"

"Shut up, I'm fine Frost. Why did you come here?"

He shrugs and moved closer to the door. "Oh, Ivy has just told me that Miss Quinn is ready, if you were wondering,"

My heart stops for a second. This is really happening. This is the first time something like this has happened since my incident at ACE and it's terrifyingly electric.

Nodding, I give him a wave and he picks up on my instructions and leaves me alone.

Well, if she's ready I need to be too. Picking up my comb, I slick my hair back with some gel, trying to regain its normal state.

Unfortunately, my tie is still undone, meaning I need someone else to tie it. I've always struggled with this task, but I attempt it anyway.

After nearly suffocating myself, I exhale in defeat and throw myself down on the sofa, when a soft knock on the door echoes.

"Puddin?"

It's Harley.

I can't let her see me like this, she'll think I don't care about this day. I look in the mirror and notice that I don't look too bad, my hair has stayed in place for once although my tie is lopsided. As I'm trying to fix it, the door creaks open and my Harlequin steps in precariously. Spotting her reflection in the mirror, I struggle to refrain my jaw from literally hitting the floor.

She's gorgeous. Absolutely flawless.

Her platinum hair cascades down her bare shoulders and back, the pink separated from the blue, curled in tight curls.

My voice breaks like I'm 15 again, croaking out a small sentence.

"I thought the groom wasn't meant to see the bride before the 'big moment'?"

She chuckles beautifully and I remember just why I'm marrying this woman.

She's the first person to truly love me, and the first who I love back. She's my everything.

"That's tradition. Fuck tradition, that's what I say," she states, crossing her arms defiantly, causing me to break out into a cackle.

"That's right baby, fuck it."

She holds her smile, her teeth are unusually white. Beautiful.

"Do you need a hand with your tie? You look a bit... tangled," she steps toward me slowly, reaching her hands toward my chest.

I nod, allowing her to fix my problem.

Fixing my eyes onto her face as it creases up in concentration, my lips part and I'm struggling for breathe suddenly. Latching onto this, Harley's head snaps up and her eyes study mine as I swallow deeply.

"Puddin?" She whispers, her hand moves from my now neat tie, to my cheek as she rests it there.

Finding comfort in this action, my breathes even out, I press my face into her palm, feeling her satin skin against my pale complexion.

There's no talking, just us, staring into each other's souls, our foreheads pressed against each other. After what seems like an eternity of silence, she speaks.

"So, are you ready?"

••••••

The wedding was simple, Gothams highest ranking gangsters and mob bosses, the rogues and other misfits all crowded into one club, the Jokers club.

The music was stopped, obviously, but no wedding bells rung.

Fuck tradition, Harley had told him. No normal music, no priest or no dull ceremony.

It was meant to be over and done with quick, no faffing around with vows and such, yet here Joker was, tapping his Custom made shoes against the floor, not daring to look up.

Noticing his boss' state, Frost stepped in.

"Would you like me to check to see if she's okay boss?"

Joker nodded.

As Frost ran out, his body collided with Ivy's, who was on her way to Joker.

"Sorry, Pamela, are you alright?"

"Shut up I'm fine. Harley isn't though," she brushed past him and strode up to J who was looking as if he was about to pass out.

Ivy leant over and whispered into Jokers right ear, explaining the current situation.

"I've tried calming her down but she can't. She's struggling to catch her breath and can't tell me what's up, you better go see h-"

Joker was out of the room before Ivy had finished, leaving her stood at the front of his club while the guests muttered in confusion.

•••••

Defensively curled up in the corner of the clowns room at the top of the club, Harley was trembling, a hot stream of tears down her face, her makeup smeared and running. Her dress was sprawled out around her, making it look almost as if she had melted into the carpet.

Joker rushed in, cautiously crouching beside her.

"Harley?" Joker whispered, running his hand amongst his green locks, pushing it from his vision.

She pursed her lips, eyes frantically darting from his to a space on the floor a little way away from them.

"Harley, what's wrong?" He repeated, but no answer.

Following her eyeline, he noticed she was looking toward the bin in the corner or their room. Joker turned to Harley then stood, moving over to the bin.

In it was three blue and white pieces of plastic, three tiny screens with '+' stared back at him.

"I'm sorry..." a choked sob emitted from Harley, who was covering her face with her hands. "I knew something was off... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..I'm-"

"Harley, stop apologising. I thought we discussed this? If you were to get Pregnant, so what. We need an heir, right?"

Harley visibly shuddered.

Sighing, J ran his hand through his hair again- it was a habit of his, something he'd only do when he was stressed.

"I know you're scared. I know, that's understandable. Especially after last time..."

The clowns cackled as they sped through the streets of Gotham- another date night.

They both enjoyed the chase as much as the fight, when Batman landed on the roof of their purple Lamborghini the couple shared a devious smile.

"We've got company!"

Joker was ecstatic- his Batman had arrived, just in time too. Harley was ecstatic for another reason, though. A reason only she knew about.

As the car neared the water, the spontaneous laughter never ceased until Harley screamed out.

The car collided with the water, the force sending Harley slamming into the window shield, killing the unborn infant instantly.

"Now please tell me, what in Gods name possessed you to take three goddamn pregnancy tests only 5 minutes before your wedding, huh?" He joked, smiling to her as he incased the trembling blonde in his muscular arms.

Harley let out a muffled giggle and wiped her eyes, smearing her mascara even further across her cheeks.

"I don't know, I just want it... it to be a surprise for later. I didn't actually expect this to happen though," she spoke.

Never letting go of her hand, the Joker stood up, pulling his Harlequin with him.

"Let's get you cleaned up, shall we?"


End file.
